what it's like to be on the other side of me

- into books, poems, art, crafts, movies, and food -
- sinner saved by grace -
- more than what meets the eye -
tumblr est 04.25.12

words

heavy rain unceasingly pours,
thunders sounded like hungry wolves.
water started to rise,
from the tears streaming down her eyes.

words struck her like lightning.
her heart now was bleeding.
there’s no literal red blood,
but there were tears starting to flood.

words misused were like explosives,
surprising her with pain and demise.
though her heart’s shattered to pieces,
God’s love meets her and brings it to rest.

faking smiles

i’m smiling at the mirror
but it’s a frown that reflects
so i smile a little more.

tears are welling up my eyes
while my heart slowly aches
turning my smiles to sighs.

sometimes we can’t just fake the pain
can’t stop the tears from falling
but it’s harder to explain why so we just fake a smile again.

force majeure

sunny days aren’t forever,
so I should be ready for whatever.
and when life gets unsure,
i’ll just cling to my God and endure.

once, out of the beautiful scenery,
two volcanoes exploded before me.
in between painful explosions,
all I did was pray and run and tear.

life isn’t a bed of roses for sure,
we can’t escape a force majeure.

Alam niyo yung feeling na naghahanap ka ng isang bagay?

Yung alam mong ‘yun lang ang sosolve sa cravings mo?

Halimbawa, fishball.

Kahit na kainin mo pa ang lahat ng pagkain, laging may kulang. Kahit na yung mga pinakamasarap p ang pansamantala nating ipalit. May space pa rin. Kasi may fishball-shaped emptiness sa tiyan natin. Ang makakapag-puno lang totally ay fishball din.

Narealize ko parang sa buhay din ‘yan. Lahat tayo may God-shaped emptiness sa mga pagkatao natin. Hindi lang tayo aware. Minsan tina-try nating punuin yung emptiness na yun sa paggawa ng iba’t ibang bagay, sa paghanap ng iba’t ibang tao, sa kung saan-saan. Pero lagi pa ‘ring may kulang. Kasi, ang totoo niyan, si God lang ang tuluyang makakapag-fill ng space na yun. Siya lang talaga. :)


P.S. Nag-ugat ang lahat ng ito nang dahil sa gusto ko ng fishball. :) kaso wala ng mabilhan. :( hehehe.

Sana na-inspire ka pa rin! ;)

abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz

Can’t explain this feeling.
I’ll just let the letters group themselves into words.

Monday Musings ‘Bout Love, Life, and Films

How do we feel about tests, challenges, and hardships?

Honestly, who likes them? No one.

But, it is inevitable for someone to not undergo atleast one test in his/her life.

Yes, at first we don’t want them. We don’t look forward to having one. But, in the end, we’ll thank those tests more than how we despised them.

Why? It brings out the best and worst in us. It reveals our inner self. Our priorities. Things or people that matter most to us. And those that we really put value in. It reveals who we really are. Good or bad.

This afternoon I came across another great movie on youtube. It was the finale of Hana Yori Dango.

And I’ve realized so many things about love, life, and etc.

1. Real friends may get on your nerves at times but, they will only do things that somehow annoy you because they want you to be your best self. No matter how you might hurt each other, they would always be there for you when you need them (even if you act like you don’t).

2. Love really is more than romance. It’s a commitment you have to keep no matter what the circumstances are.

3. Relationships that last are those that have gone through the hardest battles yet chose to overcome and not give up so easily. As they say, real gold is tested through fire.

4. Marriage should be taken seriously. It requires two people who decides and chooses to stay together no matter what, even before they enter marriage. Marriage is a life-long partnership.There’s no turning back.

5. We should check if our partners are included in our dreams for the future. If not, we might better think a thousand times before we pursue marriage.

6. Our lives are like movies. There’s a higher being directing them. There are good and bad scenes that will lead to the best ending (depending on how we act our part). We just have to make the better choices and enjoy the ride.

7. Tests improve character. It isn’t desirable, but, it makes us a more desirable person in the end. Well, it depends on how we manage tests.

8. One thing in loving someone is knowing fully well their flaws and imperfections and choosing to still love them anyway.

9. We can’t experience victory without undergoing battles. :)

As for the Hana Yori Dango couple, walking down the aisle wouldn’t be as fulfilling and victorious if they haven’t experienced the tests given to them by their loved ones.

Lastly, I’ve realized that I’ve been watching too much asian movies. Haha

I’m really a fan of the Taiwanese and Korean version of this manga, but, after watching the Japanese version’s finale. I’m now convinced why many still prefer this version.

For me, this one had the best ending among the others.♥

Watch it for yourself. ;)

you’ll find yourself
in between the pages of
my journals—
boy, i started
doodling your name
with butterflies and
sunflowers
and
hearts;

you’ll find yourself
in every word i say—
like your name
is the only taste
that my tongue
can
recognize;

you’ll find yourself
not only behind my
11:11 PM wishes
but also behind
my 10:49 AM hopes
and 2:00 AM dreams;

you’ll find yourself
inside my mind—
sometimes running,
sometimes dancing
but most of the time—
singing;

you’ll find yourself
in every story i tell—
like you are the only
thing i can remember
from my childhood;

you’ll find yourself
in every ‘you’ i write
in every poem i
make—
because you are my
favorite word

so if ever you feel like
you are losing
yourself

don’t worry

i
kept
you.

— 出典:remember when i told you that i’m a keeper? (i.v.c.)

(Source: sheisnottheflightlessbird)

Flight

How we wish we were like the birds
Automatically soaring high in the skies
With struggles unheard
Paired with cheerful goodbyes

But, with determination as our wings
We’ll take flight and soar
And with dreams as our sling
We could fly even more

Let go of your fear,
Take flight my dear.

I wonder how it would feel like to be owned by someone other than our family.
— 出典:lilmissmoon

Lara Jean

I’m currently on a book hangover.
If there’s such thing as that. Hehe.
I could see a part of myself in Lara Jean’s character in Jenny Han’s book, To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before.

I love how books put into words what we can’t say. How they relate to us like real people.

I really admire writers because they have THAT gift of talking to a billion people with their words, with their stories.

There will always be that one book that you could somehow relate to, as if you’re reading your life in a book written by someone who doesn’t even know you.

Here are a few of my favorite lines from Jenny Han’s book:

"It wouldn’t kill you to get out of your comfort zone a little bit, you should give people a chance to know you."

"But the little things are what makes up life."

"You only like guys you don’t have a shot with because you’re scared. What are you so afraid of?"

"Because sometimes you just feel sad and you can’t explain it."

"I think I see the difference now, between loving someone from a far and loving someone up close. When you see them up close, you see the real them, but they also get to see the real you."

"Life doesn’t have to be so planned. Just roll with it and let it happen."

"What must it be like to have a boy like you so much, he cries for you?"

"I just don’t what you to wait too long and have all the good placements go to other people."

"I don’t think relationships are just about physicality. There are ways to show you care about someone, not just using your lips."

Oops. I think this isn’t ‘few’. Don’t want to be a spoiler. :)

There is a Lara Jean in everyone of us. A Peter. A Josh. A Margot. A Kitty. A Genevieve. and more.

I dream to become a writer/novelist one day, and make an impact to my future readers. Let’s see. :)

Good night!

P.S. and in the future I’d really be glad to have a man who’ll never get bored with someone like me who always talks about books and tje characters I read in them. hehe

Love and Hate are beasts and the one that grows is the one you feed.
— 出典: Shane Koyczan (via sillyball)

Awwww, Peter.


With great power comes great responsibility…and sacrifice.
Awwwwww.

Sometimes, distancing yourself from someone doesn’t really mean you don’t love or care for them, sometimes it just means you love them so so much that you just stay away so you could protect them.

But it’s so hard to do and you still end up losing them.
We just need to choose the better choice.


How can Amazing Spiderman 2 be so sad?
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monday madness

last Sunday, i was watching powerhouse while reviewing. the guests were female personalities succesful in their chosen businesses. the first one’s cathy valencia who pursued her passion for beauty and wellness. then there’s charisse tinio of niceprint who pursued her love for photography.

i was so inspired…and challenged by them. i admired their courage and guts to go for their dreams. something i lack.

they figured out their passion, then they pursued it.

"figure out your passion. pursue it. and you won’t have to work a single day in your life."

what was mine?

i can’t give a definite answer.
but, i want to settle in a career related to arts,film,travel. anything that has to do with creativity. one where the gifts i know i have could be used into full potential.

this afternoon, my heart and my mind felt confused and heavy. the thought of leaving my present job came to mind again.

am i in the right direction?
am i in the right path to where i should be?
should i finally let go?
is it time to listen to myself now?

for more than a year, i have been trying to wait a little more…wait for change. wait to be finally ‘officially’ assigned to the ‘unofficial’ job that i excel in and that one that i really enjoy doing. but, it’s already been more than a year and nothing has changed.

when should the waiting end?

i am still in a job that i have taught myself to love, learn, and learn and learn. everyday it gets harder and harder.

i feel like a bird swimming instead of flying. trying instead of thriving.

my plans for myself aren’t so much clear for now. but i pray that if they were not God’s plans for me, He would redirect me to His will.

despite all this questions and confusions, i am still blessed that because of Jesus i can come to God through prayer anywhere, and anytime.

as opposed to what other people think, being a christian isn’t all bed of roses…but, it is much lighter because i would never have to walk this life alone. and that this life on earth is plain temporary including the hardships, struggles, etc. but with Jesus, i can look forward to an eternal future. heaven.

spilling this feelings made me feel better. hehehe. oh emotional hormones.

walls

here i am who’s about to sleep when suddenly some thoughts barged in. i was checking on one of the social media sites when i saw a friend’s post. it was a message from someone special she met way back college. a mentor. a coach.

it struck me. i looked back to my past as if i was trying to search someone from there. a mentor. a coach. an adviser. well, some people besides my parents.someone like them that sticked til the present. and to my dismay, there was none. surely, i met some but i think they just stayed in the past.

it kinda broke my heart. and i felt a pinch of sadness in my skin.

then i realized, what could be the problem?

maybe just maybe i had built walls that are partially open. maybe i hadn’t let anyone come to close. maybe i wasn’t just too comfortable to easily open up to others. or maybe i was just too afraid to totally open up.

or maybe no one just made an effort to break the walls that i built.

i don’t know.
i’m not really sure why.

but now, i had put the walls down a bit. i think finally being part of a discipleship group in church helped so much. i’m blessed that God has blessed me with people who i can share my life with. people i know who could inspire me and help me achieve a life that God wants for me.

i liked how suddenly this supposedly sad spontaneous post had a good ending.

goodnight tumblr.

steady my heart

no work today slash absent today means more time to read, reflect, and review for the upcoming LET and do a little laundry. while i was studying this afternoon, i was so worried because my memory fails me. everything i studied before seemed to dissolve. i can’t focus on studying. worry and doubt filled my mind little by little. how can i pass the board exam? self review na nga lang ako, para pa akong may amnesia. my knowledge was never enough. and it looks like it would never be enough. 

i feel like giving up already.

then as of this writing, i remembered a passage from matthew 6 i’ve read this morning, “seek ye first the kingdom of God and His righteousness. and all these things shall be added unto you.”

true enough. more than anything i should seek Him first.
i can’t do things by myself. i can’t rely ONLY on my own strength. i need Him. Him first. 

then this evening, my mom was asking for worship song suggestions as she was playing some on youtube. i suggested kari jobe’s steady my heart. while i was listening, a few lines struck me.

I’m not gonna worry, I know that You’ve got me right inside the palm of your hand.”

ugh. it sank through me, and little by little, it steadied my heart. :’)

and in that note, i changed my lappy’s wallpaper with this,

image

p.s.
to whoever that might read this, please pray for me for the upcoming LET this 17th of august. thank youuuuuuu.